Other times, we cannot make direct 12-Step amends, such as when the other person has passed away or a business has closed. Personal advice is always helpful when we are trying to judge a situation. But sometimes, we have no choice but to make living amends. If you stole something from someone you cannot reasonably return the item to, you could simply resolve not to steal again from others as part of your long-term recovery goals.
For instance, substance use impacts a parent’s relationships with their children, but making amends to them should never be in a language or explanation which is beyond their comprehension. In these cases, reflect on whether reaching out is to clear your own conscience at the other person’s expense. This is where a 12-Step “sponsor” or even a counselor’s feedback could be helpful in checking your motivation. Sometimes stepping back is the best way you can make amends. Giving a person space and honoring their right to feel what they feel about the impact your addiction and the connected behaviors has had on their lives. Before Step 9, one completes the Step 8 inventory, listing people they’ve harmed and developing a willingness to make amends.
Step 9 AA
If you’re continuing this journey with us and would like to read the last article, please take a look at Celebrate Recovery Step 8. Making amends does not necessarily depend on your ability to connect with a person or how they respond to you. It’s not one we use too frequently in our everyday language, but it still holds significant meaning. To make amends means to apologize for something you have done or for wronging someone in some way. It means mending, or (quite literally) fixing, the relationship. The FHE Health team is committed to providing accurate information that adheres to the highest standards of writing.
Don’t settle for an apology.
We only give to individuals who are serious about their sobriety and have personally already invested in their long-term recovery by attending a residential treatment facility. Also, each recipient must agree to donate back 25% of the total awarded amount within a year’s time. Our contract has to be signed and returned before the first month funds are what is alcoholism given to the sober living facilities.
Guilt and Grief: Making A Living Amends
If you have a reaction to their feedback, pause and just listen then share your thoughts about this with your support system, therapist or sponsor. When making an AA amendment, it’s important to apologize sincerely, be humble, accept responsibility for your actions, admit fault, change your behavior, and make an effort to rebuild trust. The Twelve Step recovery process incorporates making amends as a crucial element. It’s about facing reality, acknowledging specific errors, and committing to change past behaviors.
- This principle helps individuals foster positive relationships and approach their recovery journey with compassion and understanding, both for themselves and others.
- Cori’s goal is to ensure all patient’s needs are met in an accurate and timely manner.
- She served in Operations and HR for a finance company for ten years, before returning to healthcare and eventually arriving at USR.
- Or perhaps we have done irreparable damage and need to supplement our direct amends.
The 12 Steps For Each Major 12 Step Program
These principles—humility, forgiveness, and love—play a crucial role in facilitating healing and personal growth. At Willingway’s Georgia and Florida addiction rehabilitation locations, we have encouraging aftercare specialists and alumni to help you navigate recovery successfully. We also have numerous continuing care community groups that give you an opportunity to hear how others have made amends and receive guidance for your next steps. Whether you’ve been in recovery for a while or are just considering treatment, Willingway is ready to help. Importantly, AA and NA stress making amends without attachment to the outcome.
How to Write an Alcoholic Amends Letter
This website does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Site. Reliance on any information provided by this website is solely at your own risk. The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are incredibly well-known and their reach extends far beyond addiction recovery circles. Even if you know nothing about substance abuse or the pursuit of sobriety, you’re very likely aware of AA and its prolific dozen rules.
Avoid Making Amends if You May Harm an Unwitting Third Party
The living amends aa four categories determine the manner in which the recovering alcoholic will express their amends. There may be times when approaching another person directly or seeking to provide restitution could be painful or harmful for that person. For example, there may be a situation where the person (or people) we’ve harmed are not aware of what we did, and learning about it might possibly harm them even more. Or there could be situations that were complicated by other addicts, or accusations of stealing more than just money. There are so many kinds of situations and they all need to be taken into consideration on an individual basis. Even though we may be eager to rip the Band-Aid off and get an amend over and done with, it’s important that we are not impulsive or careless as we attempt to make amends!
Remember, this is a Twelve Step process that can provide a platform for healing, but the person we are reaching out to may not be at the same place in healing as we are. We are only in control of our part—making and living the amends. As with alcohol and other drugs, we are also powerless over other people. We cannot control how others respond, whether they will forgive or whether they will hold on to negative feelings or resentments. It’s also important to take great care when making amends to someone who is in active addiction because our primary responsibility is to safeguard our own health and recovery from substance abuse.
Next, your amends script should also encompass the expression of heartfelt regret. This involves showing that one’s actions now align with their intentions, as opposed to the misalignment or downright manipulations that often occur during active addiction. To express regret genuinely includes acknowledging the emotional impact of one’s actions on others. If you’re participating in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or a similar 12-Step program, you’ve probably heard that making amends is an important part of your recovery journey. After years of being bossy and overbearing, my basic apologies meant little. They don’t always see my hands off approach as sincere kindness, but my motives are pure.
How Is Recovery.com Different?
Step eight is preparation for the action of step nine, which involves putting your recovery into action. “Freedom” seems to be the word that most clearly describes the essence of Step Nine. It seems to sum up the relief from guilt and shame, the lessening of our obsession with “self”, and the increased ability to appreciate what’s really going on all around us. We may even start to think of our past as a gold mine of experiences to share with other people we’re trying to help in recovery, instead of as a period of darkness that we regret. We stop thinking about our lives in terms of what we don’t have and begin to appreciate the gifts that we receive every single day. And finally, we are very aware that in order to keep this feeling of freedom, we’ll need to keep on applying what we’ve learned while working the steps.
- It requires acknowledging past mistakes, expressing genuine regret, and committing to change.
- Making Amends with Others has positioned itself in the public eye to a degree that many of the other eleven steps haven’t.
Regardless if they can or can’t apologize directly, they choose to walk the walk and make better choices. This way, they live the sort of life that doesn’t create the need for more amends later. Discover when living amends are the right choice, what they involve, and how to genuinely repair relationships through ongoing actions. Indirect amends is when you do not make a face-to-face confession of https://dev-altafandco.pantheonsite.io/2024/12/02/five-action-steps-for-quitting-an-addiction-3/ your wrongs against someone. This occurs when you decide to do something like write a letter that you decide not to send because of the harm it may cause the individual to whom it is addressed.